Annelies Alewijnse

 

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In January of this year, I sat down to write this entry. Or at least I thought about writing this entry. But, because I did not want the permanence of what I am about to say to seep into my life forever, I held back.

Kept my mouth shut.

Did not write anything.

But things have not gotten better. Four months later, I’m reaping the same results from the same actions. Much to my stupid surprise.

They say that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action and expecting different results. They tell you that in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I know it’s true.

Because I’m an alcoholic, you see.

And to leave that element out of this story would make everything I’m writing a lie. It’s too important to leave out.

And so I’m telling you now.

I’m an alcoholic.

For sure.

I can see that clearly now.

There are not enough justifications or excuses in the world to explain it away.

Even though I wish there were.